Fear Of Recurrence

Face it, that's what we are all scared of. Will it come back????? Once you get cancer, you spend the rest of your life wondering at some level 'will it come back?' or 'will they catch it in time?'

The biggest thing about learning to cope with a cancer diagnosis is learning to squish that evil little voice that asks 'will it come back?' when ever you aren't expecting. Sometimes I feel I need a little punching bag or something that I can smash with a baseball bat and beat the crap out of when I feel the need.

[Actually I think all post cancer treatment packs should come with a stress relieving punching bag or something. Complete with a personalized baseball bat or punching bag. Something we could beat the crap out of just to calm our nerves. Does anyone else want one?]

I am serious. That evil voice sometimes is muted or is silent for a while, but we know its not going to last. Learning to control it from taking over your life what we all strive for. I can tell you that while sometimes I have to count back to the dates of diagnoses, but that damn voice never goes away. It lurks in the background. It usually grows in response to how near I am to a medical facility or personnel, especially when any kinds of tests are taking place.

The other little evil voice is the one that says 'what if I get another cancer?' Maybe we need a whack-a-mole game that we can smash to get rid of both.