Thursday, December 1, 2016

Expectations vs. Abilities

Sometimes expectations exceed abilities. But the real problem is when other people's expectations of me exceed my abilities. For example, last week we saw family friends and agreed we need to make it an annual event. It was suggested to me, actually I was told, that we should alternate hosting and my husband and I should host next year.

Um, that doesn't work for me.

I have major limitations on what I can and can't do. I do not go out much at night because I get too tired. We don't entertain much again because I get too tired. Or end up in pain.

No I am not meeting for drinks at 9pm. I am going to be in bed by then. No I am not going for a little walk because you want to. But we could go out and have a cup of coffee or you could come here and we could have tea. Anytime we plan on doing something, there always have to be an out - can I cancel at any time because I need a nap or to lie down.

I am learning to manage my expectations regarding my abilities, but it is clear I need to learn better how to manage other people's expectations.

When I worked, I was a big fan of managing up. This is where you train your manager to understand what you do well and what you are like. It is clear I need to learn to manage my friends and family. No one more trip down or upstairs is not what I am about to do anytime soon. Nor, once I have said I am exhausted, I am not going to stick around for another cup of tea. I am heading home to lie down.

I feel like a recording when I keep saying 'no' but I will have to keep doing so until they get it, which may be never. In the meantime, we will not be hosting an evening get together next year. Maybe during the day, unless I need a nap

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