Thursday, December 29, 2016

Why I Don't Blog About Breast Cancer As Much Any More

I have been pondering this one for a long time, years. I used to blog about my breast cancer crap (and if it's cancer, it is crap) all the time. I mean, ALL the time. Because breast cancer was the center of my life. I was going through treatment and coping with diagnosis and all the fun stuff going along with it.

So since I got through treatment and moved on to other ailments, I have not blogged about breast cancer as much. I have thought a lot about this. I have even considered renaming my blog.

After a lot of thought, I have decided the reason I don't blog about breast cancer is that I am trying to bury all thoughts of breast cancer and not think about it. Yes, that's it. I am being a wimp. But its called me coping with breast cancer.

There are five degrees of grief, of us learning to cope with our own mortality - whether it is death of a loved one or our own mortality when faced with life threatening illness. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. So my way of coping and acceptance are burying my breast (and thyroid) cancer diagnosis and pretending they aren't there.

This way I allow myself not to think about my cancer diagnoses is by ignoring them. Any potential symptom will be uncovered by my doctors at upcoming visits. Why do I do this? Am I supposed to be hyper-vigilant about any potential cancer symptom for the rest of my life? How could I live that way? I couldn't.

So being a human being, I do what I can to cope. I spend my time pretending I don't have them and assuming that my doctors will discover anything that could be wrong with me. I will fill them in on any aches, pains, and other symptoms that I have but I will not stress myself about it and will pretend they aren't there until I see a doctor.

This is why I don't blog about breast cancer anymore.

1 comment:

Ruth C said...

Caroline, I know where you are coming from. It's exhausting to think about cancer possibilities all the time. Much better for me to let it go and just get on with everything else. Plus in my attempt to cope, myself, I try and help others to get to the point of not waiting to die, but instead starting to live again! Hugs my friend!