I have had further thoughts on my post from the other day on Not Talking About Cancer and then more thoughts. As I wrote about enjoying not talking about cancer, it really made me think. What if you didn't even have to consider talking about cancer or not talking about cancer? Because you had never had cancer?
I think this is the part that I am stuck on and really struggle with at times. I have never been an adult with out cancer. This is very difficult for me. I went from being a fun loving, college freshman to a cancer person. (This means if you got to know me after August 1981 you never knew the pre-cancer me.)
If you have had cancer, can you think about your life before and after cancer (and none of that 'new normal' bullshit) how have you changed? How has your cancer diagnosis changed you? What is different about your life?
I couldn't tell you what is different about my life, before and after cancer. Whatever equilibrium I reached after my first cancer diagnosis, it was shattered by my second one. I do know that having cancer once before, gave me some additional experience for my second diagnosis, but even then I wasn't prepared.
No matter what I think you are never really prepared for life as a patient instead of life as a person. My big struggle is to learn to cope with this in life. Perhaps this is why I have therapy?
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