Yesterday was another day on the cancer bus from hell. (Before I bore you with my whining I will say, no they did not find any cancer so now you can read unstressed.) Monday was a day where teh result was 'no we didn't find anything but go back to your doctor if you have more pain.' Well, gee, I guess you ruled out the easy stuff. What about everything else? Never mind, I'll ignore it and suck it up until I decide its really painful and I need to move on.
Six months ago, I had what was supposed to be a baseline neck ultrasound as a follow up to my thyroid cancer. These were not standard when I last saw an endocrinologist sometime in the mid-1990s but one is recommended every five years now. So I was sent for one as a baseline so they could compare it to future ones. It was supposed to be clean but it wasn't. I was told the three choices of what they found were: recurrence (really they used that word), thyroid tissue, or a lymph node playing games. How wonderful did I feel? I didn't. It sucked to use that every so descriptive term. I talked to my endocrinologist three times about it and my primary care and my oncologist. The recommendation was it was too small to biopsy so a follow up ultrasound was recommended in six months. A hit from the cancer bus of maybe its back but you just need to sit and wait (how relaxing!!!).
So yesterday was the magic six month follow up. First I went to my meds therapist which was scheduled an hour before my ultrasound and I thought I might need a bit of hand holding before hand. She was running a tad late, like 30 minutes. I went up to the desk and asked finally. She didn't realize that she was off schedule. She thought she was on schedule. But I ended up with a five minute appointment. She blamed her schedule for only giving her 30 minutes for a new patient when she thought she had 60 minutes.
Then I went to my ultrasound, where they actually took me early so I had 40 minutes to kill before my endocrinologist appointment where I would get the results. I was stressed but walked around the cafeteria and couldn't find anything to nibble on so I sat down, read my book and drank most of my bottle of water. Then my endocrinologist was running late so I drank the rest of my water.
Eventually they called my name. The first thing they did was WEIGH me - but I just drank a bottle of water (and I asked the nurse to subtract 20 lbs from my weight but she said she couldn't). My blood pressure was also running a little bit high for me (125/80 and Monday it was 117/75) but since I was stressed we ignored that.
Finally, the doctor comes in and while she used the nice words, the messages I got were:
1. We don't know what is in your neck but its still there so we want to watch it for another six months so hang out on the cancer bus in the meantime. Gee thanks. It was supposed to be gone. But I am supposed to be thankful that it didn't grow (which would be really bad becuase that would spell cancer).
2. You're still fat. Actually she said my weight is constant for the past six months. What happened to the six pounds I lost? Can I blame the damn bottle of water I drank while waiting to be seen (or the piece of pizza I was forced to eat at lunch to be polite)?
So the script writers are wanted to say: You are losing weight at a nice consistent rate and the thing in your neck is gone and the pain in your abdomen is magically done. Does anyone want a job?
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