Do you ever wonder if you are focusing too much on the cancer in your life? Or too little? Before a cancer diagnosis, cancer probably occupies a little tiny corner of your brain.
After a cancer diagnosis, it takes up all but the little tiny corner of your brain required to do basic things like eat and sleep at minimal levels. After the initial stress, cancer-brain occupation slowly settles down to a somewhat manageable level as basic human demands for survival kick in - like thinking semi-logically.
Eventually you get to a bit more of an even keel so you get through life, after therapy, support groups, or whatever. Then life goes on, if cancer doesn't return, and you get some more of your brain capacity back and begin to think about life around you again.
So now, I wonder if I am thinking too little about cancer? Because I do not allow it to fill my brain all the time. Should I allow myself to think about cancer more?
Now that I have this knitting group with other women with cancer at the cancer support center, I feel like I am back in a support group sometimes. We have conversations about the ups and downs of diagnosis and treatment along with all sorts of related issues. I kind of like that part.
But it makes me wonder if I should be thinking (pondering) cancer more? I like being sort of back to my regular life without the cancer domination. As cancer is part of my life, should I be dwelling on it more?
Maybe I am still just learning how to balance cancer in my life.