Going for the insanity plea I think

So it really is a clever plot to drive me insane. Yesterday I called the surgeon's office who told me last week to come back in six months. They said the letter was a standard letter just reiterating what the doctor had said and I should ignore it. Okay, fine. I can live with that.

Then when I got home from work, I got a copy of the pathology report from my mammogram and it says: Post biopsy clip stable, negative ultrasound. findings are probably benign. Bilateral follow up is recommended in six months. Overall assessment - probably benign. Hello! I am sorry but the words 'probably benign' should not be told to anyone with a cancer diagnosis. I have had two. I don't like that combination of words. Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr.

And there was a handwritten note from my primary care physician saying: Please be sure you are booked for a follow-up mammogram in six months. Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr.

So now I have two doctors and the radiologist saying follow up in six months. I will say, yes I can feel lumpiness but I have lots of scar tissue, made lumpier by radiation, and then from more scar tissue from the stereotactic core biopsy last June. So I am not surprised there is lumpiness and neither was the surgeon - he said it is normal and may never go away. But is there something else hiding in there? I don't know. Maybe a six month wait to see if nothing changes is better than more biopsies at this point. In the meantime in three months, I see both my radiation oncologist and my medical oncologist and can talk to them as well. Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr.

Insanity may be the way to go at this point. I am not sure I want to jump on the second opinion band wagon since I will have seen four doctors in the meantime - how many more do I need to see? Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr. (You can tell the level of my aggravation by the number of grrs.)

I am going to the gym this morning to take out my frustration on the weight machines and the elliptical. I will drive the 10th of a mile there because of the rain. I will also get some work done this morning from home and go to work as well. And its a yucky rainy day - the kind where you want to stay in bed and drink tea and watch bad TV all day. Grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr.