Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Baring it all

Over the years, I have collected my share of surgical scars - there were the ones that everyone could see and I didn't really care, like knee surgery, or the ones that were so old, like thyroid cancer, no one could see them, and then breast cancer surgery made all sorts of fun scars. Like a giant port scar on my chest (which they cut into twice just to make sure it really shows) for insertion and removal and the one where they took out lymph nodes by my arm pit (that they also cut into twice so it really shows) once for sentinel node and once for axillary node to make sure there were no more cancer cooties. Then there is the lumpectomy scar, and the other lumpectomy scar, and the third lumpectomy scar which are usually covered at all times but receive radiation so they really show. Finally, there are the connect the dots on my abdomen from my hysterectomy and my four incisions for my gall bladder-ectomy (there is a fancy word and its something like choleo-blah-blah-blah that I can't remember).

In the midst of all these surgical fun and games, I stopped getting changed at the gym at those few intervals when I actually went. I didn't want everyone to see my scars. I was very careful not to let anyone see anything that might scream out 'SHE'S A CANCER PATIENT' so I made sure I remained clothed. Swimming in public is not an option really these days for similar reasons. There is also a minor flabbiness issue I prefer not to expose either.

So Monday night I had a brilliant idea and I said to my husband 'I'm going to get up tomorrow morning and go to the gym at 6 am'. Well this was a great idea at 8 pm but not at 6 am so, big surprise, it didn't happen. But I was concerned that if I didn't make it to the gym in the morning and my schedule wouldn't allow me to go on Wednesday so that would mean two consecutive days of sitting on my butt and increasing my flabbiness quotient.

Then I got a brainstorm, why don't I leave work a little early and go to the gym on my way home before my hair cut. So I put together my bag of clothes and went off to work. I left work on time, didn't get stuck in traffic, and even got a decent parking space at the gym. I went into the locker room to get changed, which was moderately full, and as I was half dressed, I remembered my connect the dots scar issues. I thought 'what if someone sees my scars????' so I resorted to the really mature 'get-dressed-as-fast-as-you-can-and-pretend-no-one-saw-a-thing'. I always believe in pretending things didn't happen and they don't matter. I know its not mature but it works for me. And honestly, was anyone even looking?

Now today, I made an executive decision. It is snowing now and supposed to snow hard for the next hour or two which will royally mess up the scheduled commute. But wait, I work two part time jobs for a reason. I'm not going to work this morning, I'll go tomorrow instead. I'm so glad I thought of that.

I'm going to lie around the house this morning, go run a few errands once it stops snowing and switches to rain, go to the gym (but get changed at home), and then go to work in the afternoon at the other job. I'm so smart sometimes it kills me.

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